Being a reader has become a much larger part of my identity than it was pre-blogging. I always enjoyed reading. I have been dreaming of owning a home-library of books since I was 13. I used to love going to the library as a child. All, I think, suitable claims that enable me to say that “yes, I am a reader.” Nevertheless, I sometimes doubt the legitimacy of that claim.
Painting by Jos Van den Nieuwenhof.
It comes to me unexpectedly, almost randomly. There was coming across a blog one time, where the blogger stated that she has always been a reader, that she reads everything, from grand novels to the labels on ketchup bottles.^ You see, this always makes me stop to think. Do I even do that? Sure, after some reflection, I could fit that in, when I come into a room or area I do not know, the first things my eyes search for is something to read, because it makes me feel more able to grasp onto something to hold me into place. But isn’t this just me appropriating a claim I have seen before? Would I have used it myself to identify me as a reader? No, I do not think so. Not because I don’t think it is a legitimate claim, but simply because I never considered it before.
And so these questions always lead me to that bigger question: Aren’t I just grasping at straws, bluffing my whole way through this “being a reader” thing? What is it that makes me a reader, really? When did I even start considering it a significant part of my identity? Even though I am pretty sure I could say that “I have enjoyed reading since I was a little girl”, it never really was something that made my standard “hello, I am Iris” description. Partly because of the social stereotypes attached (not that I do not exude the word nerd all around me anyway, but making the statement that your most important hobby is reading when you meet a large group of new people often scares them off, so I always edit in other hobbies as well). No, it is mostly because, for a long time, it simply never crossed my mind to use it as an identity-marker. My boyfriend’s sister and mother had put me down as “the girl reading in the corner” from the very first, and yet, writing this down this is the first time I can even come up with it as a moment that might substantiate the claim that “I am Iris, and I am a reader”.
You see, between the book blogging world and the “real world”, I feel I always lack something to make me a confident reader and recommender of books.
In the real world, because I have not read your typical Dutch classic and contemporary works that everyone expects you to have read when you say you enjoy staying inside on the couch in the company of books. Furthermore, there are a lot of big contemporary international authors missing on my “books read” list. Something, I feel, I will never catch up with. Or you know, those times when you admit to someone that you blog about books, and they look at you expectantly and go: “what would you recommend?” or, “what is your all time favourite book?” and you pull an absolute, complete, blank. And believe me, that happens to me more often than I am actually able to give a satisfying answer (although I must admit, this is also because my recommendation will sometimes receive the rather predictable “ew, Young Adult?, I meant a real book” response, or a “right, you are obviously a blonde romantic girl who is a fan of Jane Austen, but I am a boy” – shrug).
Morning Glories by Winslow Homer*
In the blogging world, the reasons are partly the above, combined with something else. You see, other blogs often introduce me to overlooked authors, or new ones; discoveries, so to say, for the book blogging world and the world at large. Since I started blogging, I love reading those forgotten gems. (Hello Persephone Books, or Virago Modern Classics). Perhaps the very admission that I hadn’t heard of these two “imprints” pre-blogging will reinstate me as an illiterate. So now that I am a book blogger, I am catching up on two fronts: those well-established classic and contemporary books that I feel everyone-but-me has read, and the books that are appreciated and recommended in the online reading community, and are, of course, also new to me. And in the middle of all of this, I am never really able to give other bloggers new discoveries of my own. Or so it feels.
There is also another thing, something that comes to the fore more often when you start blogging. And that is that if you are a reader, it is assumed you have opinions on the books you read. And I do, or what would I have been blogging about these two years? But at times, I really do not know what to think. At times, a book has me at a loss for words. At times, I don’t even know where to place a book in the genre table that everyone but me seems to naturally understand. And, I would say, most of the time, I am only asking question, and never providing answers.
And so what it comes down to is, that I am thinking that the statement that “I am Iris, and I am a reader” should in fact read “I am Iris and I am an insecure reader”. I am still trying to find my place. I am still trying to come to grips with who I am as a reader. What I prefer, what I wish to avoid, who my favourite authors are. In a way, it is me admitting what I am sure any reader does at one point: being a reader is not something static to me, it is something that evolves. I feel I am at the beginning of a learning-curve, while many a blogger I have come across is far ahead of me. This is something that, at times, leaves me confused and makes me feel a little silly for even trying to be a reader, let alone a blogger. On the other hand, there are moments when it makes me feel energised and excited; It makes me want to start right now, it makes me want to read everything at once. A feeling I am sure many of you recognise.
* Pictures found through the wonderful Pinterest of Alexandra.
^ I have seen this statement repeatedly, I do not have a particular blog in mind, really, if you’d ask me, I wouldn’t know where I saw it first or last.
This is an amazing post! I think coming into the blogging community, then into the world of bookselling, are two of the things that makes me feel most insecure as a reader sometimes. Before that I used to read anything I wanted voraciously – letting one book lead me to another, following my whims and enjoying the experience of a novel or the acquisition of knowledge from a non-fiction read without worrying too much about what it said about me.
Now I’m a book blogger I feel myself trying to mix it up more. I don’t want to review the same kind of book too many times in a row so I feel the need to make an effort and choose something different, even if I’m not really in the mood for it. So who am I reading for now – myself or, rather ironically, MY readers? I find myself struggling to keep up with the latest titles because I have so many others I want to read from my shelves, then worrying that perhaps people won’t find what I have to say interesting if I’m reading books everyone else read years ago.
Likewise, becoming a bookseller has been a bit of a jolt too. Suddenly I am not only required to enjoy books, but seemingly to know and understand something about EVERY book, every publisher, every subject and genre you could possibly imagine. I am a very insecure bookseller, I think – perhaps partially because I’m so young compared to many in the business – and I think sometimes people like to test me a bit. There is a kind of customer expectation that I know all there is to know about books on subjects that don’t interest me, published fifty years before I was born by tiny obscure companies – and NOT knowing makes me feel stupid and embarrassed. One woman can’t know everything about all things. It detracts from my joy in what I’m reading at that moment, because it always feels too flimsy compared to these books that I’m supposed to be familiar with.
I’ve almost moved the opposite way to you, I think. I’ve come full circle. I’ve always thought of myself as a reader, always been surrounded by books, and running a bookshop was my dream job. I’ve become defined by that, partially because of my blog, partially because of my shop, partially because for a long time while I was severely agoraphobic it was the only identity I could cling to. Now I’m starting to rail against it a bit. I’m trying to read what I want to read again, following my whims at that moment instead of wondering if my blog will suffer or my customers will judge me. And I’m trying to break away from my ‘Bookshop Girl’ label a little bit. That has been me for three years but it feels like it has been that way my entire life. What about the music and movies I love? The places I visit? The other things I’m passionate about? It all gets eclipsed a bit under the ‘reader’ identity sometimes.
What am I trying to say here? I’m not sure. Except to say that I think we forge our own identity, and that sometimes we have to have lived under a particular label for a while before we can really start to tease it apart and mold it into our wider life without being eclipsed by it. And throughout that process we are bound to feel insecure sometimes, because by adopting a label or an identity we automatically throw ourselves into comparison with others who have also cast their lot in that particular direction. I think that’s only human – but it’s nice when someone comes out and says it so we can all breathe a sigh of relief that it’s not just us! Thanks Iris!
Thank YOU for your comment. This was wonderful (though a bit sad) to read. Reading about your book shop adventures from the start, I always felt you were living the dream, but I understand that it must bring a lot of pressure with it too. Especially if, as you tweeted yesterday, you feel that customers expect you to be “just the weekend help” because of your age, and thus probably test you a little more.
I loved your last paragraph. It was so smart and exactly what I wanted to say, I feel. The: “I think we forge our own identity, and that sometimes we have to have lived under a particular label for a while before we can really start to tease it apart and mold it into our wider life without being eclipsed by it. ” is so smart. So, again, thank you.
Thank you for these wonderful reflections, Iris. I feel exactly the same way about many things you said – like missing a lot of classics and other “must reads” on my “read” pile. Or even worse for that matter, on my “to be read” pile – some just don’t interest me at all, even though they “should”. I’m also often lost for thoughts when I’ve just finished a book, or feel like other bloggers have much deeper and more important things to say about a book I just read, and that makes me feel self-conscious about posting my own thoughts. So you are not alone in your insecurity.
Thank you for sharing. I am glad I am not alone and to find that you recognise some of my issues. It is difficult sometimes, to separate so many of the things that intertwine with reading, to me, now: the blog, blog expectations, wanting to have a blog as a diary, wanting to discuss things, wanting to catch up on reading, wanting to read for fun, etcetera. I feel that there are and always will be smarter and better bloggers than me, but I also know (rationally) that that does not mean I shouldn’t read or blog about what I read. It’s the emotions that are hard to argue with, at times.
I think there’s quite a group of insecure people here!
because I know exactly what you and the commenters mean. But as I turn 50 this year and having read all my life, and still not having read the classics on my list, I know reading is NOT about having read the classics or the books everyone is talking about. Reading is about knowing what works for you, what gives you joy, or solace, or deep thoughts, whatever you’re in the mood for. And then, writing about this experience, is writing about who you are. Which is exactly what makes it fun to read your blog. Perhaps, yes, there are bloggers who read the right books and write sophisticated blogpost about it. But I want to read about the real thing, the reader who reads what he or she loves and writes about why she loves it (or why not).
I like the personal side to blogging as well and enjoy it when reading a blog post makes me feel like I am learning a little bit about the person behing that post. Not in the way that every post has to be about you, but on so many blogs you can see the personality shining through their opinions. I hope this makes sense?
I love this:
“I know reading is NOT about having read the classics or the books everyone is talking about. Reading is about knowing what works for you, what gives you joy, or solace, or deep thoughts, whatever you’re in the mood for. And then, writing about this experience, is writing about who you are.”
I wish I could say that I am at a point where I know what works for me and what doesn’t, but I am often still puzzled about that. But I do know that I am slowly filling in the blanks, and that is something, right?
Thanks for such an honest post. I can identify with a lot of your feelings. There are so many classics that I haven’t read, but think I should have, given how much weight I give to my love of reading; so many hip, contemporary authors whose work I haven’t read; and so many times when I fail, utterly and completely, to offer a recommendation or even the title of my favorite novel. I have to guess (or hope?) that most of us readers are a little insecure about it, more so than other people are. It’s a little horrifying to realize how many books there are that we “should” read, and that we want to read, and will never be able to get to. There will always be someone who’s better read in a certain category, who is in more immersed in the world of small presses or classics or forgotten classics or books by [female authors, authors of color, etc]. And while book blogging is an amazing way to get in touch with other readers, add to the piles of books we want to read, and learn more about types of books we might not have read or even thought of reading, without book blogging, it can also be a hard at times to read reviews and think, “wow. this person gets it.”
So, I’m an insecure reader too. There are times when I skip reviewing classics or books I know people hold strong opinions on, because I’m not sure what I can write that will make me seem as well-read and thoughtful as other, earlier reviewers. There are times when I skip commenting on my favorite book reviews, because I can’t think of a thing I can add to the conversation. This is one of my favorite things about blogging, though; not the feeling insecure part, but the frequency with which I read really intelligent reviews and discussion of books. And there’s something so freeing and wonderful (when we aren’t being crushed under our TBR piles) to interacting with people whose reading interests are in so many different areas, who can help us broaden our own definitions of ourselves as readers.
“This is one of my favorite things about blogging, though; not the feeling insecure part, but the frequency with which I read really intelligent reviews and discussion of books. And there’s something so freeing and wonderful (when we aren’t being crushed under our TBR piles) to interacting with people whose reading interests are in so many different areas, who can help us broaden our own definitions of ourselves as readers.”
I agree, Ellen. This is exactly what I find so inspiring about blogging. I have learned so much from reading other blogs. I feel it is almost like a small “live” college.
I understand the feeling of not reviewing a classic that everyone seems to have read already, or avoiding books people have strong opinions about, and don’t even get me started on books I loved and will only be gushing about while others seem to actually have something to say.. However, I do almost always end up writing about them, because I want to record some of my thoughts for my future self. However, I currently have a list of books that I still haven’t done that for *ahem* Tender Morsels *ahem*. Also, I feel I should add that if no one else is, I will always be interested in reading about a book that has been written about before, even if the author herself feels she adds nothing new to the conversation, because you know, it’s always your reaction, and that is always new.
Love this post
Some people in my life think of me as a reader, but when they hear what I haven’t read I feel like they start to doubt me (even if they haven’t read those books either). But reading is a life long process and I’m 27, so (assuming good health *knocks on wood* – no really I just did that) I have a long time to get to ALL the books. And some books need to come after others for you to have a full understanding of what you’re reading. So, while I may still feel insecure when people give me the side eye for not having read a certain book yet, I know deep down (after they’ve gone away 
that I am a reader, just a work in progress one like most people who make books a big part of their lives. Like you said, being a reader is something that evolves and keep changing until the day you physically can’t be a reader anymore.
Believe it or not Jodie, I actually accompanied you on that knock on wood thing. It’s a good thing the table my computer is located at is made from actual wood, or I wouldn’t know where I should have turned, since all my other furniture is from IKEA.
I get *so* insecure when people look at your like that. And it happens very often. I also become very angry. But that always shows after they’ve left, which is also the time when I would think of anything to reply to their glances.
I too agree with so much of what you said – especially on pulling blanks when people ask about books! Or worse, for me, when they start saying, “oh have you read this? have you read that?” and you keep having to answer no, and you can tell they are thinking, “and you say you are a READER?!!!”
Ugh, exactly. It’s as if there is a special list in the heads of people that someone inserts making sure you have read none of the books they name.
Hi Iris. You are a hard core reader, it is obvious! Only hard core readers dream about libraries at 13 and create book blogs. I do not think being a reader is about having read a specific book or catsup bottle. I think it is about loving to read. Your uneasy assumption about the title may have more about how others saw you or an idea that you must be Aristotle’s equal to be a reader. It is a BIG tent, you are one of us!
I have self identified as a reader since I was very young, but there are complex reasons for this – some sad, some good. I think it made my parents proud and they reinforced it. I may have needed it more than you. I was a kid who read the cereal boxes at breakfast out of desperation and avoidance, but doing so did not make me a reader. Loving to read does. That would true whether I started loving it yesterday or 45 years ago. I have read widely, but there are a ton of classics I may never read – they do not interest me and my time not unlimited. The same with current stuff. And recommendations rely so much on the other reader, there is no great book for all. If you asked me for a fave book, I would be blank too. A FAVE BOOK? How about 200 of them… That I could do. Happy reader, reader! Ruby
A big tent, you’re right
Rather like us bloggers, of which I’m sure I only explored a small corner too.
I am sorry to hear about feeling you had to hide behind reading. That must have been tough.
A favourite book is so hard to name, isn’t it? I often start listing so many books in my head that I really don’t know where to start. And favourites also very much depend on mood for me, what kind of mood is the person asking for. Favourites for contemplation, for writing, for theme, for emotions? Etc.
Thank you for your very kind comment.
I suspect most readers have huge gaps in their reading experience. There’s always going to be someone who’s read more or knows more or has what seem like smarter insights. We don’t all start at the same place or the same time, and some of us are older and have years of reading experience on others. And we all discover things in a different order, so someone might discover Persephone and get really well-versed in 20th-century women authors early on and not discover the Victorians until later. For me, the order was the opposite. (I didn’t know about Persephone or Virago until just before I started blogging, for example.) I certainly get self-conscious about the gaps in my reading at times, but I try to remember that it just means I have more to look forward to, and what I’m most interested in changes and evolves over time, which adds to the excitement.
For me it is both something I worry about and something I get excited about. I just hope the latter one will dominate. I do tend to be a bit too reflective at times, and overthink things, but this had been brewing for so long, it was rather refreshing to get it out there. There is something encouraging about seeing a blogger like you, who I respect so much, say there are gaps in her reading. Of course, rationally I know there are, but you know..
I had no problem with reading until I left school, at which point I learnt a non-truth that being, that someone who reads must be boring, so I learnt to keep quiet. It took many years to unlearn this gem & now find myself in the position of not giving a @#$%! What others believe & have realized ignorance is boring. As to a reader, my definition is A reader is someone who believes reading to be as valid a form of nourishment as any protein or vitamin.
Oh yes, the social stigma of reading is rather horrible. I don’t understand why it became so prominent, but it’s still there. When you say you read, it’s almost as if people don’t think it’s an activity of itself, and they go “but don’t you DO something?” I’m trying not to pay attention to that, but it’s hard at times
I think you’re trying too hard to define what a reader is. What a reader is is simply someone who reads – how anyone else defines that is immaterial. Like you I don’t know when I really would have called myself such pre-blogging but it was partially because I think I never felt the need to. Reading, like breathing, is just part of life. I’d never say I’m Amy and I’m a breather, though clearly it’s something I do more often than anything else!! hehe. And I’ve not read most classics, will never read many of them and will never read many of the big names in contemporary literature either. But I read – and you read – and thus we are readers
Maybe not whatever type of readers some other people are, but we all get to be our own kind, I think! You’re totally a reader 
Me, overthinking things? Heh. I agree, perhaps I am making it all a lot more difficult than it actually is. But it’s something that I have been contemplating and that comes back to me every once in a while. This post, in itself, has been written and rewritten for months now (it still didn’t come out as I wanted it to) so it was kind of refreshing to just hit publish.
I like the reading/breathing analogy. It does feel like that, doesn’t it?
What a great and heartfelt post Iris. I can understand your securities, and urge you to rejoice in the fact that you do read. I’m over 50 now, and I’ve read voraciously since the days I first learned how, but I still have huge gaps, and I’ve given up being bothered about them. When I get the urge to explore a gap, then it will be the right time to read to fill it in – could be never. One of the reasons I started blogging was to find more like-minded people to talk about (any) books with, and that is a real joy. Even if I don’t always comment, I take inspiration from all the book blogs I read and that makes my book-world all the richer.
Thank you for sharing
I will aim to rejoice more and overthink less, in the future. I like your philosophy of filling in the gaps if and when you feel like it. It is what I love about thinking up projects, even if I never finish them, from time to time I feel like composing a list of books on something that stands out to me at that moment.
When I was a child, I always enjoyed reading but I was not a confident reader and rarely explored a lot of books. I didn’t have a relationship with my library. My mum encouraged me to read but as soon as I was able to read for myself she didn’t really get involved or show interest in what I was reading.
I feel sometimes now that I missed out – not exploring my library or really branching out, although I certainly wasn’t under-read as a child. I’ve probably just forgotten half the books I read. I used to re-read an awful lot.
I have always enjoyed books and I think people have always seen me as bookish but my reading I think for a long time was quite passive. I floated from one thing to the other according to whim. I read slowly, always have probably always will – never been in a rush to do anything.
For some years at uni I lost touch with myself as a reader. Looking back I read more then I thought but still not much. In my third year I decided to hang the extra work load, final project blah blah and get back to reading every day. Which I did and probably the only reason why I got through that year. I can’t remember what I was reading but at least I could say that I was reading. I found my identity. It probably helped I’d broken up (though still sharing a house with) my non-readery boyfriend who was thus forever bored but by then, that was no longer my problem.
And yet still, I felt like I wasn’t really ‘reading’ for some time after that. I read a mix of YA, literary, classics, crimes… but I still felt like I wasn’t really reading. I got a little depressed. I went online to find readery discussion groups… reading had always been a solitary sort of thing for me. I discovered Goodreads and from then on, as that lead through to Blogging as well… I discovered more of my identity as a reader.
I have always been a reader. But now I actually really think of myself as a reader, but maybe not a very good one? For instance I have very little interest in book awards – they are vaguely on my radar, I might take note of the winner and usually buy the book if it sounds interesting although admittedly most of them are lolling around my bookshelf still.
If I am to call myself a reader, should I not take an interest in who has won the Booker, the Pulitzer, the Nobel Literary prize or any of the others? I like to read news articles on books and reading but see very little importance in official awards.
I have acquired a massive, massive library. Pre-GR I had about 200. Post-GR and blogging I have 484 maybe I’m more of a book collector then I am a reader!
I think after joining Goodreads and being able to talk about books in a way you’d never get to do offline my reading really opened up.
Yet, I still do not feel well read. It is not that I feel I should have read certain books to call myself a reader – such as War and Peace. It’s that I think we will forever be unsatisfied with ourselves as readers because we always want to read more.
If we get to the stage where we can feel secure – maybe that’s the time we ought to give up? As a reader, I’m always looking to read more. I still have a hopefully long life ahead of me so I have plenty of time to read and tick off those books. I’m never going to be satisfied with what I have read.
I need to read more classics, more international authors, more non-fiction, more obscure fiction, more varied topics and genres because sometimes I feel like I’m just reading the same old kinda stuff over and over.
I feel that although I seem to read quite a varied range of genres I’m not really well read in any of them. I’ve read some crime – but I haven’t read many, if any of the major authors within this genre. I’ve read fantasy, mainly YA, but again – ask me about it I couldn’t really tell you very much beyond the limited number I have read. I have read literary – although sometimes I don’t really understand the classification of that genre (and sometimes I don’t agree).
My reading, like my blog, is unfocused and windy. I have no particular aim other then to reviews books I’ve read. I’m no good at setting myself goals with reading – i.e. read more of this because I usually don’t. I’m a flipper, a floater…
And part of me has accepted that. If I’m an insecure reader, I’m happy about it because it means I won’t stop.
Not everyone who reads really spends that much time thinking about it like this. I ask my mum what she’s going to read next and she doesn’t know. She lets me build a pile for her and she picks through it and kicks some out but she doesn’t get the same enjoyment I do from buying or planning what I want to read in the future.
I could talk about books all day. It bothered me when I wasn’t reading much, that I wasn’t reading. If my life ever got so that I had little time for reading, I’d either have to re-adjust my life or be extremely unhappy. I think for many people, they’d see this as weird that my identity as a reader is much more deeply ingrained and it isn’t just a past time or a hobby you do on the weekend if you have time.
Thank you Iris for making me think about my identity as a reader.
I hope that by the time I am 50, that I can count myself as respectfully read, but never “well read”.
Fiona, don’t be sorry about the long comment. I enjoy long comments!
“I feel that although I seem to read quite a varied range of genres I’m not really well read in any of them.”
That happens to me a lot, perhaps my taste is too eclectic to really know much about anything?
As for the buying more books than I can possibly read.. Yes, that happens to me too. When I mention the amount of TBR books in my house, I think most people look at me as if I’m crazy.
For a long time I reread a lot of books. I didn’t really feel an impulse to explore everything else, because the books I had read and loved would make me feel secure. I completely understand that feeling, and feeling that you may have “wasted” reading time, but since it’s always easier to tell someone besides yourself not to feel insecure, I think it isn’t time wasted at all. It is just doing, or reading in this case, in a way that felt right at the time. Sometimes I long back to the time when reading was really just that for me. I think it still is, but since I’ve come online “as a reader” there was suddenly much more to discover beyond the known world of books, which is exciting and scary all at once
Oh my God, what a lot of babble.
Iris, the advantage of being a blogger with your own blog is that you don’t need to apply anywhere, don’t have to show your CV, you just start. And if (some) of your readers think you don’t know what you’re talking about, well, let them! I think you have very good insights a lot of the time.
Maybe to get some better feeling for “How to read” you could check out the Dutch Open University course on Literary reading (story analysis): http://www.ou.nl/eCache/DEF/2/19/979.html I haven’t done it but saved the link in case.
With all my insecurity, I don’t think I’d like a course on “how to read”. It is one of the reasons why I’ve often contemplated studying English literature, but always held back, because I’m afraid that too much “how to” would lessen the enjoyment for me. I personally don’t feel there is a “right” or a “wrong” way to read, even if that doesn’t mean I am not still growing and changing and puzzling to find what kind of reader I am. I know, it may sound a bit contradictory, but it isn’t, in my mind, really.
I do agree, I enjoy the non-authoritarian angle to blogging very much. You can always hide behind (though it’s not really hiding, I think) the “it’s my blog, it’s my diary of sorts, who’s to tell me what to do?”
Thanks, Judith!
What a wonderful post, Iris! You know, I think many readers/bloggers can relate to this, at least on some level. I come and go from my insecurities as both a reader and a teacher. The most important thing I have discovered is to work through my fear and insecurity and keep going forward. Reading a book by Parker J. Palmer called “The Courage to Teach” helped to encourage me in this area. He is what I consider a master teacher, yet he has those days when he feels like a “fake” and a failure. Discovering that even the most learned or well read have their moments is something I keep in mind. This helps me to jump back in and keep reading and teaching and trying. Hopefully, this makes me a better reader and teacher. I think you are doing a fantastic job and I love your contributions to the book blogging world. Keep it up
“Discovering that even the most learned or well read have their moments is something I keep in mind.”
I try to remember that as well. In a way, it helps to see so many great bloggers say they recognise some of my feelings, because it makes me feel less alone and insecure? I use the trick on anything, though I often find it hard to convince myself, insecurities in presenting, in looks, etc, I try to remember that most people feel this way from time to time..
I’m going to look into the book you mentioned, it sounds like something that might be a great read for me, even if I’m not a teacher.
Thank you for your wonderful comment.
I’m going to agree with what Amy said–you read, so you are a reader. I know it sounds trite, but you have to define what you are for yourself, without others in mind. That said, I completely relate to this post. To be honest, even though many bloggers claim not to be participating in popularity contests or to be competitive with one another, I think many of them are. Very often I feel as though I am reading off the beaten path, or just now getting to what everyone else was reading two years ago (and when I say “everyone else,” I speak to the fact that many bloggers seem to be reading/reviewing/tweeting about the same books all at once), and everyone has moved on. When I post reviews of books that don’t seem to be “in” with other bloggers (whether everyone is suddenly hot on classics, or LGBT, or writers from Uganda, or what-have-you or the latest release from Author X), and I hear crickets, I start to wonder whether I fit in. In fact, I posted a Sunday Salon about trying to be true to myself just a few weeks ago, and I think I had this same thing that you’re discussing in mind, mainly because someone had skewered a book I love–and then not only skewered the book, but then went on to say that people who loved it were basically just a bunch of rabid idiot fans. If there is one thing we can do as book bloggers, it is be kind to our reader friends. It’s one thing to not like a book, but it’s another thing entirely to start judging other readers.
I think we’re all lucky that such a thoughtful reader as yourself has a blog, and that you think about your actions and how you present your real self. Thanks for sharing!
Awesome, awesome post, Iris! I think we all feel these things no matter how confident any blogger looks on the surface. I think part of the fun of book blogging is poking through the unsure parts–questions about genre, what we see as readerly “flaws”, where we’re underread. Those parts spur some of the greatest discussion because they’re so natural and normal to readers.
Wonderful exploration here.
This is wonderful and I can identify with pretty much everything you said. And for the record, if you read, you’re a reader. It doesn’t mean any more than that and I don’t think it should be a label to define yourself and anyone else by. It’s just what you do whether or not you think the label is working for you.
I’m shy and when I introduce myself to people I’m lucky if I remember to say my name let alone identify myself as a reader. That’s usually done by someone in the group to get me talking.
When the question is asked: “Oh, what would you recommend? What’s your favorite book?” I panic and freeze. I never know what to say. This happened to me at a friend’s house last year and another friend thought it was so odd that I didn’t have any answer. My husband actually blurted out, “You read like 100 books last year. How can you not think of something?” I ended up writing a post about it because I needed to say how much it baffled me out loud.
Anyway, enough rambling. I end with great post!
This is a beautiful post Iris.
I really connected to this. There are many times when I feel very insecure about what I am publishing online. When I first began reading from my little list, I felt like I was so behind and that everyone had read more than me. I felt like I had to catch up so that I could defend my lowly English degree. Even now, as I read more and more books off my list, I am struck by how much I still haven’t read. Because each time I start a book that is new to me, so many others have already read it. So how can I offer anything of value to the discussion?
But I know that reading is not about that. It is merely about the experience I have when I read the words on the page. There is something very special that happens when I read, and that is what I try to remember as I go forward.
Keep doing what you’re doing. You’re a marvelous person, and I love reading your posts.
It is only when you start reading that you realise how many books are out there. Non-readers probably assume they could read all the classics if they dedicated a few years to doing so. Your feelings of being overwhelmed are a reflection of how much you really know – it is impossible to read everything in a lifetime. Some people come across as very well read, but when you start digging you realise it is normally only in one area – and that is all any of us can hope to do. I haven’t read many classics either, but as long as we enjoy what we are doing it doesn’t matter. Keep up the great work!
That’s a really good point, Jackie. One of the things I’ve noticed in life is that the more I learn about anything, the more I realize I have left to learn. Learning just breeds more questions and things to be curious about.
Do you know what just came back to me? When I was in school, I had a German teacher who used to say “Reading makes you stupid.” What he meant to say was that the more you read, the more you’re aware of the things you don’t know and the books you haven’t read yet. I think what we have here in our “insecurity” is a case of exactly that.
On the plus side, this means you’re actually getting more knowledgeable. On the minus side, it also means that the more we read, the more “stupid” we’ll get…
What a wonderful post, Iris! I too am an insecure reader. I love reading though my taste in literature tends to more towards “12 year old boy” than “22 college graduate”, ha.
I used to almost apologize for the fact that I wasn’t terribly well read but now it doesn’t bother me as much. My advice to you (and me and everyone else who is insecure) is just be comfortable and confident in what you currently read. So what, you might not know much about what people think you “should” be reading. You ARE knowledgeable about what you do enjoy so just do your best to recommend those books. I’d rather be recommended a book that someone really, really enjoyed rather than a book that someone feels they should recommend.
Bravo, Iris, for such an open and honest post. You say that “being a reader is not something static to me, it is something that evolves”. I think that anyone who is honest with themselves would agree with you. I hope I am always evolving, as a reader and as a person!
Wonderful post Iris I often feel a fraud due to my patchy reading in fact just recently I ve tossed up whether to turn my back on blogging all together due to this I read a lot but haven’t read a lot if you know what I mean and often feel like I don’t belong but other days I do so carry on , I feel you have read a lot classics and that is one things I love on your blog .I never really talk about books outside blogosphere as I m not a confident person I regards this only round over bookish folks which one reason I love twitter but even that of late has felt a unwelcome place oh we’ll lovely post and I can truely identify with your feelings all the best stu
I think we all have patchy reading histories, Stu. Your interest is in translated fiction and you are more well-read in that field than most. Sure, there are books that we all wish we had read, but I think reading is a journey of discovery, rather than a series of ticks in boxes.
I think reading is a life-long exploration, and so readers are in a permanent state of figuring out their tastes and exposing themselves to new things. There is so much out there–and “the more you know the more you don’t know” certainly applies to literature! I definitely blank almost EVERY time someone asks about a favorite book, or for recommendations…and there are plenty of “very important” books that I have not/will never read. I try not to let anyone else make me feel condescended to about this; but I know it’s hard some times. If you enjoy reading, though, in any capacity–and obviously you do or you wouldn’t be here–then you have just as much claim to the identifier Reader as anyone else! We’re each our own kind of Reader anyway
I think you raise an issue to which all readers can relate: so many books and so little time! I have always been a reader, although in real life I keep this to myself as I was teased a lot as a child for being a “bookworm”. However, the one constant thing in my life for as long as I can remember, no matter what else was going on, has been books and reading. Over the years I have grown to know where my interests lie and I pretty much allow one book to lead me to the next, but it vexes me that in one lifetime I will never be able to read all the books I want to. I think a lot of people believe they “should” read certain books, but if they don’t enjoy reading them then I say they should just not bother. That being said, I do think it is good to stretch and challenge ourselves by tackling difficult books, and the trick is to find a balance between reading for pleasure and reading to expand our horizons. I think that, as with everything else in life, our reading choices are our own business, and we do not need to “explain” ourselves to anyone.
I love your honesty in this post. I identify with a lot of what you have written here. I’m new to book blogging but I’ve been reading blogs for a long time, and sometimes I feel the same way. What right do I have to call myself a reading addict if I don’t have the same depth of knowledge as others do about the classics and “great works” or the little-known works or the latest award winners? And I worry, too, what will happen when I feel as you have written and I really don’t know what my reaction has been to a book. It can be intimidating, with so many others out there who seem way more knowledgeable or more well-read. I definitely feel intimidated by some of the bloggers I look up to and love (and guess what? you’re one of them!).
But reading isn’t about comparing oneself to others – it’s something you do for yourself, because it makes you happy. I love that you posted about this issue because given the numerous comments, it seems we all feel this way at some point.
This is a really interesting post! I can completely empathize with worrying that you haven’t read the right books — I worry about that all the time — but I don’t think I’ve ever doubted my identity as a reader. I think if you know you love reading, then there you go! You’re a reader! It doesn’t have to be your one and only favorite activity for you to claim it as part of your identity (in my opinion).
You always write the most thoughtful and thought provoking posts–always very introspective! I also have lots of self doubts about reading even though it is something I truly love to do. I feel like I consume books sometimes, but still, I feel like I am a lazy reader and one who chooses easy comfort type books rather than the more challenging and literary sorts, and then do others think less of my because of my choices?? There are so many good readers and writers out there who can talk amazingly about books it’s hard not to compare myself. I guess in the end it only matters that I love reading and my choices can be my own. I am always changing too and hopefully getting ‘better’.
I think as I get older, I’ve stopped thinking so much of being a reader as some sort of ascent to a platonic state of perfection in which you are ‘well-read’. In some sense, I think well-read is physically impossible, for anyone, and that evne better-read is at some level an astronomically small measurement. There’s SO MUCH BEAUTY in hte world already, noone can find it all. If everyone read the same spectrum of ‘well-read’ books, then we wouldn’t be able to share things with each other so much, you know?
This was a wonderful post. I also sometimes am forced to draw a blank when folks ask me for a recommendation. Now I could say that my favorite book is Tolkien’s The Silmarillion, but I am also perfectly aware that this book only appeals to a specific audience. It’s not for everyone so I hesitate to suggest unless I know their reading preferences better. My boyfriend loves a particular author and while this writer doesn’t appeal to my tastes, I can understand how other readers are drawn to his stories. So I keep information like that in mind too. Recommending books is such a tricky business!
I doubt anyone can read that widely or fully just because there isn’t enough time! So don’t feel insecure because I think you read pretty widely:) When I first started blogging I was overwhelmed by all the new titles I came across and even though I was a voracious reader before, my tbr was always maneagable. And now? Totally out of control. But I’m beginning to realise that I really don’t have enough time to read everything I want (if I want a life outside of reading/bloggin), so I’m going to be selective and read what I like rather than what I think I should like (if that makes any sense.) Lovely post, Iris.