I have long been in doubt if I should write this post, or any of the ones that will follow during the course of this week. My personal deliberations about the posts in the upcoming days will be discussed when the time comes. For today, it has to do with how self-conscious I feel about blogging relationships ever since the BBAW awards ceremony commenced. First, I want to say that I very much appreciate the efforts of the organisers. Amy is among my favourite bloggers. But I do feel awards can lead to disappointment, and the last few weeks while I was on twitter I have seen numerous tweets that exclaim disappointment on not being nominated, feeling no one remembered them, or on not making the short list. I was among one of the bloggers who did not make the short list, and I was disappointed. Not so much for not making the short list – all bloggers on the short list for best eclectic book blog are amazing & do a much better job than me. For me, it was the realisation that you put yourself in a vulnerable position when you accept a nomination: you allow your blog posts to be judged by other bloggers on their quality compared to other blogs. This means taking a risk. And then, thinking about it, I realised that in a way, this is what we bloggers do all the time: we put our thoughts out there, sometimes very private thoughts, always part of our personality how ever much we try not to let it shine through (depending on the sort of blogger you want to be), to be commented on by other bloggers, to be either liked or disliked by readers, to acquire thousands of followers or perhaps only a handful – but all people who like your blog enough to click the follow button.
So here’s the thing: in a week that should be about community, should I really single out certain bloggers, knowing I will always forget a few? Should I risk the chance of (perhaps) hurting their feelings when in the weeks before this one, there has been some division and hurt already over the process of award selection? I have a lists of blogs special to me. I could write it up – no problem. And I know that this may be the safest environment to do so – in a week when everyone will acknowledge a blog special to them. So, any imbalance may be resolved. I feel weird not acknowledging those I want to acknowledge. But I feel self-conscious doing so as well. So there you have it – I just don’t know who to mention and who to leave out. Basically, I want to thank each and every one of you. For having the courage to post each day. For persevering even after feeling a little left out at times. For making conscious decisions to quit blogging because it does not feel right for you anymore (I miss you every day while I respect your decision). For being there. For posting, for talking books, for friendships and friendly discussions and teaching each other.
This year, I will not feature any specific bloggers. I simply feel too self-conscious about it. But I do hope you know who you are. And that, even if we have never met before – I am sure we can find something to appreciate in each other.