There is something very odd about reviewing a memoir. After all, you’re reviewing what are the memories of somebody else. These memories have been written and reconstructed for publication and so you can always talk about writing style, the voice of the author and the insights into his or her life, like you can with any other book or story. And yet, I always feel reading a memoir is something special, like taking a sneak peek into someone else’s thoughts. It is, I believe at least partly, why memoirs do so well these days. Especially since reading about someone’s life experiences, gives the information given a more “real” feel than fiction or nonfiction often does. Even though I do not believe that memoirs show us what life was “really” like during a certain time or in a certain country, I do think they make for interesting reading. In the upcoming week or weeks, I’ll be writing about a few memoirs. Today, I’ll talk about the first: Things I’ve Been Silent About, by Azar Nafisi.
Things I’ve Been Silent About – Azar Nafisi
Random House, 2008
4 out of 5 stars
Things I’ve Been Silent About is the second memoir published by Azar Nafisi. Her first, ‘Reading Lolita in Tehran’, has been and still is very popular in the United States. Reviews of this second memoir have been mixed. If you look at LibraryThing, some people remark that there’s too much repetition between this book and Reading Lolita. I’m currently reading Reading Lolita in Tehran, so this might have to do with me approaching these books the other way around, but I do not agree with this criticism. It’s true; both books deal with her experiences of living in Iran. Then again, what else did you expect? Personally, I really enjoyed reading both these books, as they seem to compliment, instead of repeat, each other.
In this memoir we get a glimpse of Nafisi’s whole life. Much more attention is given to her childhood, her growing up, and her family life in general. Things that are only mentioned in passing in Reading Lolita in Tehran are given full attention in this memoir. Therefore, this book has a more personal ring to it. The reader gets to experience her emotions in a more direct manner: her sadness, her anxiety and her happiness are all expressed blatantly, instead of through her thoughts on books and reading.
Nafisi’s relationship with her father, but especially her complicated relationship with her mother is strongly emphasized in Things I’ve Been Silent About. At first, I was rather annoyed by the time she had mentioned her many fights with her mother for the 8th time. But, towards the end of the book I started to enjoy reading about it. There’s a sense of growth throughout the memoir. At first, Azar Nafisi only shows us the more negative sides of the relationship, but towards the end she starts to reflect on what made her mother act in that manner and the description becomes touching, if nothing more.
Of course, like Reading Lolita, the Revolution and its consequences, and especially its consequences for women, are given a lot of attention. Out of all her observations on the revolution, this is one that stood out for me:
“Looking back at our history, what seems surprising to me now is not how powerful religious authorities have been in Iran but how quickly modern secular ways took over a society so deeply dominated by religious orthodoxy and political absolutism.”
Out of all the observations on women, however, there are many that are worth consideration. I especially felt a need to note down all the glimpses we get of the anxiety Nafisi experienced, not through the Revolution and its obligatory veiling, but the general opinion and opportunities given to women that were far more widespread, even before the revolution. And that, dare I say it, sound very familiar to some situations women find themselves in all over the world, “even” in the West. These involved her confusion when she’s sexually intimidated by a close friend of the family, as well as her feelings of shame and guilt surrounding her first marriage and sex:
“But I did absent myself from my body. From then on, for decades, sex was something you did because it was expected of you, because you could not say no, because you did not care, could not care and so you would be coy about it to undermine the seriousness of comments you made, such as Please don’t hurt me.”
I’m going to leave you with two remarks on identity that I couldn’t help but note down, because I loved them so much:
“We define ourselves not through what we reveal, but what we hide”
“I sometimes think we become so dependent on the images we create of ourselves that we can never discard them.”
I really enjoyed reading this book & reading the personal observations of one woman on the 1979 Revolution in Iran. It’s true, the book details her whole life, but at the same time, it’s very much about the revolution. Throughout the text, there are sentences that either refer to what’s to come or reflect on what has happened. Although I couldn’t yet tell you whether I liked it more, or less, than Reading Lolita in Tehran, I can at least conclude that this might hold a stronger appeal for people who enjoy a “straightforward” memoir better than a thematic one.
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I read Reading Lolita back when it first came out and enjoyed it but felt it was lacking in a broader perspective. This sounds like she manages that a bit better. I’ll have to take a look at it!
I really enjoyed Reading Lolita in Tehran – it was really one of the first books I read on that area of the world which started a whole obsession with me. I enjoyed this book as well when it came out, but for different reasons. Reading Lolita really focused more on the group of students, the part literature played in her life, that kind of stuff, while this one focused on her life. Great book, and great review.
I’ve never read Nafisi before. I tried Reading Lolita in Tehran, but couldn’t get into it. I like what you say about reviewing memoirs, though. It’s so true! One I just read, too, mentioned that people will take what you write in a memoir to be the WHOLE truth, not just parts or pieces of it, which I also found interesting.
I still have to read ‘Lolita in Teheran’ because it’s part of my best friend’s MA thesis and I’m to proofread it, so knowing the books might be a big help. If I like Lolita, I might just read this as well.
Glad you enjoyed this one — I have a copy in my bookcase! I heard the author speaking in Washington, D.C. at the National Book Festival last September and thought she was so articulate and interesting. Reading Lolita In Tehran has been on my radar for a while, but the idea of Things I’ve Been Silent About appealed to me more. I was never a memoir reader but am slowly getting more into them!
You’re right, though, about the difficulties of discussing memoirs — where you are, essentially, critiquing someone’s experiences. You can talk about narrative style, organization, tone, etc., but you can’t criticize the “plot.” It’s just totally different!
i have both of these books i may like you read them together they both look great reads ,all the best stu
I read Reading Lolita in high school and enjoyed it, although I don’t remember much. I’m actually in the middle of a memoir right now called Bad Blood by Lorna Sage and I’m finding it quite dull. While it does feel more real than either fiction or other forms of non-fiction, she had an ordinary, uneventful life and I’m wondering why it’s had so much acclaim. Despite my clear opinion, though, I’m struggling with how to review it. Like you said, these is someone’s life and someone’s memories, and when you turn your real experiences into a narrative (an artificial construct), that just brings up all sorts of philosophical questions (for me, anyway).
I haven’t read either of the books mentioned, but they do sound interesting, so I will be checking them out.
I love reading memoires… I haven’t read either of these but they are definitely on my ‘to be read’ list.
“We define ourselves not through what we reveal, but what we hide” Such an amazing (and true) line…
Thank you for commenting on this. I wasn’t aware that Nafisi had published a second volume and having very much enjoyed “Reading Lolita in Tehran’ I must look out for a copy of this.
I must also think more about the line
“I sometimes think we become so dependent on the images we create of ourselves that we can never discard them.”
There is much truth in that.
I really liked Reading Lolita in Tehran, but haven’t heard much about this book yet. Glad to hear you enjoyed it… I’ll be adding it to my list.
Another one for the wish list, thank you Iris! I really liked Reading Lolita in Tehran and must seek out a copy of this second volume.
Thanks for reviewing this recent memoir. I almost purchased this book the other day from Quality Paperback Club. Perhaps after reading your review I will add it to my “TBR” list.
I’ve been reading a lot of books on Iran over the last year or so-why not add this one to the list !
I really enjoyed Reading Lolita in Tehran and can’t wait to get my hands on this one. I absolutely agree with what you said about how that comment of hers is true about how many women experience sexuality worldwide.
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Well I certainly wish I hadn’t missed this review before! It’s been a long time since I read Reading Lolita, so hopefully nothing will feel repetitive for me.
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“We define ourselves not through what we reveal, but what we hide”. persona as mask?.
am enjoying your writing.
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